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Jonathan Livingston Seagull

Jonathan Livingston Seagull - Richard Bach, Russell Munson (fade in from commercial)Oprah Winfrey (O): My next guest is an icon, and a source of inspiration for millions! Please welcome Mr. Jonathan Livingston Seagull!(audience cheers … seagull flies in from offstage, loops around over the audience, and then alights on the guest chair next to Oprah)Jonathan Livingston Seagull (JLS): Thanks for having me Oprah. It’s great to be here.O: The pleasure’s all mine! I'm a huge fan; your message of individualism inspires me. Please tell our viewers about your book.JLS: It’s all about following your own beat; not just doing what's expected. As a young bird, I looked around at my peers catching fish and finding mates. That just wasn’t my scene! So I decided to make my own rules, Man! I taught myself how to fly 190 miles per hour! You should check it out, O, it’ll blow your mind! O: YEAH! That sounds exciting!! I can see the audience wants to talk to you, so let’s not keep them waiting... (looks around, then points)You, the young man in the “Pornstar” t-shirt. What’s your question?T-shirt guy: Dude! Mr. Seagull! You are so rad! I want to be just like you! You know how you fly 190mph? Well, I drive 190mph! I lost my license, but I’m not gonna let that stop me...JLS: Hold up! Hold on there just a sec… I’ve been through this with my lawyer and publicist so many times… (lecturing to the whole audience) I just want to be clear here, for the record, that I am in no way advising or recommending that anybody do anything illegal. Now you all heard me say that… right here in front of the camera. That’s not what I’m about.O: But then, there are some cases, like Nelson Mandela. He followed what he knew was right, and they threw him in jail for 23 years. But in the end, he was vindicated.JLS: (shifting uneasily in his seat) Yeah, well… I don’t want to say anything without my lawyer. Twenty-three years is a very long time.O: Oh, I see one of our viewers has written in on Facebook! ♥♥Missy1997♥♥ writes:”Wzup J-Unit! UR so KoOl! :-) I M a fResHmaN at NOrThsIDe HiGhsChoOL (go TiGErShaRkS!!!!!!) My ParEntz wOn’T LeT mE daTe my BoyFriEND, BuRt, b-cauZ he’z 37. We JuST GotTa fOlLoW oUr oWn DRummER!!! PlEEZ talk 2 TheM 4 Me! ThANkZ !!! Byeeeeeeeeeee!”JLS: (more shifting) Er… well, sometimes, Missy, your parents just know things you don’t know.. from age and perspective… and you just have to do what they say. I wouldn’t fight them on this one.O: (slowly nodding in agreement, with a disgusted look on her face) Yeah, Missy, don’t argue with your parents.JLS: (trying to change the subject) There’s a sweet old seagull in the back with her wing up! What is your question, Ma’am?Sweet Old Seagull (SOS): (in a frail, yet determined voice) Mr. Livingston, my son injured his wing when he followed you and your crazy cult down to Paraguay. To this day, he cannot fly straight…JLS: (cradling head between his wings) Ugggh!!! Again with the Jonathantown! That was thirty-five years ago!!! When are you people gonna give this a rest???SOS: (shaking her wing at JLS)…one hundred twenty-seven high-speed, mid-air collisions in the first day alone… followed by weeks of starvation, because not a one of you ever bothered to learn how to catch a fish…JLS: THEY SHUT US DOWN!!! (with a sweep of his wing) IT’S GONE!!!...NO MORE JONATHANTOWN!!!... ARE YOU HAPPY???...YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY!!!SOS: I am concerned about young birds today reading your book…JLS: FINE!!! (turns to the camera)Listen, when I tell people to break the rules and part with convention, OF COURSE it’s a given that you should do it SAFELY!! I mean… safety first, right? Let’s use our heads out there! Nobody needs to get hurt!(throws himself back in the chair, in frustration)Isn’t anybody out there thinking about… like, quitting college and starting a software company?? You know? Like Bill Gates? I was kinda’ thinking these questions would be more like that.(silence)O: (in a consoling tone) This is a mid-afternoon show. I think most people like that are probably busy at work, or in school.JLS: (softly) Oh.Elderly Seagull (ES) in the audience: (waving his wings up in the air) Oooh! Ooooh!!! Mr. Fancypants Author!! Pick me!!!!JLS: (looking out into the audience): Dad? What are you doing here?ES: I have an important question for the Bigshot rule breaker.JLS: (quizzical look on his face) Okay… what is it?ES: I would like you to answer, here in front of all these nice people, why it is that I have a grown fifty-three year-old son, living downstairs in the basement, eating all my fish, because he never learned to catch any.JLS: I was developing my high-speed flying techniques! I didn’t hear you complaining when they first published my book!ES: One book! You write one book. They give you a hundred fish. Then, for forty years...NOTHING!JLS: Look, Pop, this was never about the fish!ES: (gesturing towards the door) Your Mother is out there, right now as we speak, catching fish for you to eat tonight! Arthritis in both wings! She should be home, resting! Should I run out there right now and tell her?? ”You can stop now, Bernice! Johnny says ‘It’s not about the fish!’”JLS: I don’t have to sit here and take this!(flies off stage)O: (starts clapping, gestures to the audience) A big hand everybody! That was Mr. Jonathan Livingston Seagull!!(turning to the camera) You heard it here, folks! Don't conform to society's rules! Follow you heart, and make your dreams come true! ... but don't break any laws! ... and remember: safety first!Also, kids: do what your parents say, without a lot of backtalk!Oh, and if your heart's desire could include something marketable, like computers, that would be good.We'll be right back after this commercial break!(fade)