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True Friends (The Christy Miller Series #7)

True Friends - Robin Jones Gunn Disclaimer: if it is not obvious to you that supposed erotica about a woman and a sea monster is tongue-in-cheek parody, if the idea of that is offensive to you, or if you fail to see the humor in that, then please just stop reading here. In case you’ve been hiding under a rock for the past three months or so, karen has been on a monster erotica rampage lately. Through her and GoodReads, I’ve learned about niche fetishes involving Bigfoot, the swamp monster, mummies and others. If I’m to be completely honest, I must admit that I know a little something about interspecies love myself. After years keeping it under wraps, I’m finally comfortable sharing with you this picture of me and one of my birds engaging in a full-on interspecies mouth-on-mouth kiss. Yeah, we’re here, get used to it!Fucked by the Lake Monster is about Champie, the monster who some say inhabits Lake Champlain in the beautiful Adirondack region of upstate New York. By a quirk of coincidence, the first time I ever went skinny dipping with a girl was up in the Adirondacks when I was 16 (fact). When protagonist Cassie writes vividly about the erotically-charged waters of the locale, she’s preaching to the converted, Man! In truth, Cassie and I aren’t so different. Her peers little suspect that she clings to an ambition of one day claiming a gold medal on the Olympic Sex Team. Honestly, who of us hasn’t harbored a similar fantasy? For most people, it is a naïve, unobtainable notion; a beautiful elusive dream.I don’t want to ruin the story with an overly-detailed plot synopsis here, but Cassie has a particular affection for aquatic lovemaking, and by all accounts (and there seem to be many) she has elevated it to a bit of an art form. Synchronized swimming, move over!The other side of this book’s equation is Champie… a prehistoric zoological oddity and a sex machine extraordinaire. To her credit, Ms. Burlington does not dwell on extremely detailed descriptions of his five foot long erect member any more than the story requires or good taste would dictate. This is an author who understands and respects the forbidden passion Cassie and Champie share in the lake, so when Burlington describes Champie’s "jizz cannon" firing off tens- perhaps hundreds- of gallons of hot Lake Monster sperm over a distance of hundreds of yards, I as a reader am prepared to accept this as the expression of love that it is. Sure, haters will say all those pages vividly documenting Cassie’s masturbation on the raft were gratuitous, and the background accounts of all the other guys Cassie had intercourse with on that lake were unnecessary, but there’s no pleasing some people. These are the same types who go to the art museum and complain that Van Gogh made Starry Night too blue, or who point out that Roy Lichtenstein doesn’t actually have any artistic talent. Ms. Burlington: pay these critics no mind! I feel ya. I know what you’re writing about. Jokesters will make your monster porn a punchline, but I know you're writing about the human heart (and an enormous dinosaur penis).