276 Followers
48 Following
Hoss

Monkeypanic

BECK:Mongolian Chop Squad Volume 6 (Beck: Mongolian Chop Squad (Tokyopop))

Beck: Mongolian Chop Squad, Volume 6 - Harold Sakuishi CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH REVIEW*(* entertainment purposes only) 1984 v. The Annotated AliceThe Mad Hatter shuffled furtively down the alleyway, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. He could feel sweat forming along the brim of his hat. If he stayed in the Proletariat Zone, he might be able to avoid suspicion. Approaching the intersection, he began to hear the stream of propaganda from a speaker mounted on the streetlight.“We are at war with Wonderland. We have always been at war with Wonderland…” He tried to force it from his mind. Since the first rabbit hole was discovered outside St.Albans, the forces of Oceania had been relentless aggressors. If something wasn’t done soon, Wonderland would fall in a matter of months, so when the Red Queen approached him with this deadly-dangerous mission, he could hardly refuse. His pastoral existence of tea parties and croquet now seemed a lifetime ago. Crossing the intersection and continuing on his way, the speaker’s message began to fade behind him. Smells of garbage and sewage wafted in from a side alley, but Hatter kept his eyes down, concentrating on the street, shutting out the offending stimuli of this rank surface world around him. He turned the folded paper in his pocket. It bore top secret information: upcoming Oceanian troop movements on the Malabar front… information which had been won with the blood of other brave Wonderlandian spies throughout Airstrip One. If he could just get to the nearest rabbit hole, about two miles away, it would be safely delivered through the global network of Wonderlandian portals to the Queen’s allies in Eastasia. The entry of a fourth power onto the world stage was a game changer. Through a tenuous partnership with both Eastasia and Eurasia, Wonderland might just be able to reclaim lost territory from Oceania, and enter into a stable equilibrium with the other powers.He was approaching another intersection. A giant telescreen broadcast the image of Tweeledee, (or was it Tweedledum?) offering his public confession:“…I met with Goldstein personally, and assisted him in poisoning the water supply. I went into the Proletarian Zones and deliberately contracted syphilis, so I could spread it. I seduced members of the Inner Party, and tricked them into altering agricultural production records…”This whole place was getting to be too much. The Hatter was more wired than if he had drunk ten pots of tea; every nerve was on edge. He began to panic. He wanted to run, but the light had just gone red. After a moment of composure, he was able to stand obediently, waiting to proceed. As the seconds ticked on, he heard fragments of conversation around him: “Now how many votes has 1984?”“Why fourteen, I believe.”“And if the Party should say thirteen?”“Why then thirteen, of course…”In addition to the sweat on his brow, he now felt a trickle advancing down his back. He glanced over at a group of children, who were waiting stoically at the light, dressed up smartly in their Youth League uniforms. A young blonde girl among them eyed him suspiciously. He averted his gaze and looked to the light. GREEN! Stepping eagerly into the intersection, he swallowed in relief, but just then several police cars skidded around the corner, sirens blaring. Rebuffed, he stepped back onto the sidewalk and fidgeted. Once more he noticed the young girl, and their eyes met. In the briefest instant, she appeared to have made a decision, an assessment of some sort. Her face became resolute, and she tugged at her nanny’s arm. “Mary! Look here at this one!”, she pointed. “He’s a thought criminal. Doubleplusungood.”The nanny clutched her folded black umbrella to her bosom in a show of distress.“I think you’re right, Annabel! Burt! Hold him!! POLICE! POLICE!”, she screamed out, waving her hands in the air, and pointing down at the Hatter, “THOUGHTCRIMINAL!!”The nanny’s platonic love interest wrestled the Hatter to the ground, as chaos began to break out among the nervous Proles around them. A female law officer in black riot gear pushed her way through the crowd.“Make way! Make way!”She grabbed one of the Hatter’s arms, and pulled him up, gazing over him suspiciously.“WHAT BE THE PROBLEM HERE, CITIZEN?”, she barked.“It… it’s totally unfair.”, he fought for words. “A third BirdBrian review!? …And now he’s bringing in crossover characters from other Deathmatches?!??! “ He began to find his courage. “It‘s beyond the pale!! Manny will never allow it!!!”The officer considered his words for a moment and then replied, “I’m sorry citizen; no compunctious visitings of nature shall shake my fell purpose. Manny himself hads’t it written on the Round 2 Pairings page: ’remember to fight fair unless the urge to fight dirty is completely irresistible.’“ She gave him a wry smile and drew her weapon.The Hatter’s eyes widened in realization. “Lady MacBeth?”And her dagger then found its mark.MATCH POINT: 1984